I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
