There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
