and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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