hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You have to summon your inner elephant
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
