I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
