Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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