70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
