last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
