He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
