on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
