I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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