How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
