Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
