also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
