Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
