Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
