I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Randomize
