Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just sucked dick on a ferry
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
