ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
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