I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
