I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
