So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
