you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
