I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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