..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
