You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
