bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
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