I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
