I just saw a hot homeless man
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
