i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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