I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
