I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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