Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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