the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
