I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
