It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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