So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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