At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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