I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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