just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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