Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
