Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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