distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
