dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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