A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
