Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
