kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
