if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
