Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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