you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
