hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
