My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
