It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
