btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
